Roommates -- Part Four

"Maybe they want you to help them," Gilhen suggested.

Which, if I'd ever really thought about it, would be exactly what I expected you to say.

"No," Cassie said, firmly.

"'No' as in they don't want help, or 'no' as in you won't do it?" Gilhen asked.

"Both. Look, what I want is to stop seeing them. What I really want is for the one that's in this particular apartment to Get. Lost." The last words were said loudly and directed at the air. She couldn't see anything at the moment, but maybe it was listening.

Gilhen looked around, and seeing nothing went back to fidgeting with his beer bottle, rolling it around, flexing his wrist. "Have you ever thought," he began idly, then looked up at her. "That it might be a kind of gift?"

"Oh yeah, it's a gift. You know, like how we say it's good luck if a bird shits on your head. It isn't really lucky, but saying it is makes the person who got shit on feel better." She swigged angrily at her beer.

She had intended to stop drinking, but given the way the conversation had turned she'd decided to continue. She didn't feel particularly drunk any more, but having a beer bottle in her hand gave her something to concentrate on.

"I'm serious," Gilhen said. "Look, you've had a...a....brush with death, let's say. And yet you're alive. You've come back with a special ability. Why? Because you're meant to use it. It's the only explanation..." His voice trailed off as he saw her look.

"Other than this completely fucking random thing has happened, and I'm seeing things I'm not supposed to, and nothing I do helps, and I'm going to go insane if it doesn't stop."

"Cassie..."

"Okay. Look. I'm done talking about this. You said you thought you could help. You can't." I don't know why I was expecting any differently. You said you believed in things like this. I believed you. That was a mistake.

"I can help. I just need to know more about it, first. Look, give me a few days. I'll talk to a few people..."

"No. No talking to other people. This is a secret, Gilhen. I don't want anyone else knowing about it."

"I won't mention your name..."

"No." Gilhen. What was I thinking when I told Gilhen of all people? He can't keep a secret to save his life. Visions filled her head of being introduced to Gilhen's "pagan" friends. "This is the girl I told you about..." Great.

"Look. Do you want me to help you or don't you?" Now he sounded annoyed. "I think I can help. I think I know people that can help more than me. If I don't talk to them, how will I know?"

"No. Forget I said anything, okay? I'll handle this on my own." I wish I hadn't said anything. She curled up in the armchair, legs to her chest, and stared at her beer.

"Right," Gilhen said and let the subject drop.

There was silence for a long while. Gilhen finished his beer, got up with a sigh and went to the kitchen. Cassie heard the sound of clinking glass as he put the empty bottle back in its box.

"I should get going," he said, when he returned.

"Sure." Cassie got up to walk him to the door. He turned back to her before leaving.

"Look, think about what I said, all right?" He gave her a hug, which she barely returned. She was tired.

"All right. Goodnight, Gil." She hadn't realized how tired she was until she had to get up. And the room was spinning again.

"Goodnight." Gilhen looked like he wanted to say something else, but turned instead and walked down the path. He turned back once, and Cassie waved and shut the door.

"I almost told him to go away," she said, as Cassie mounted the stairs.

"Yeah, me too." Cassie said, and headed down the hall to her bedroom.

Nothing followed her.

***

It took three days for Gilhen to broach the subject again. But he did, of course. Gilhen didn't know when to keep his mouth shut.

"Look, if you don't want to talk about it, with other people, fine. But there are books out there that might be able to help. I know a place you can look. No questions asked."

"I thought I told you I didn't want to talk about this." Cassie rubbed her forehead.

"Please. Cassie. I want to help." Gilhen's eyes were sad, pleading.

She sighed and sank onto the couch. "You're not going to give up on this, are you? No matter how much I don't want to talk about it."

"I want to help," Gilhen repeated. "You didn't sleep at all last night, did you?"

Damn. He's got me there. And he knows it too. Look at him.

"No." She admitted. "And not the night before, either. I'd drift off and she'd show up, yammer at me for half an hour, then she'd disappear and I'd spend an hour trying to get back to sleep. And I'd drift off, and she'd come back."

"What did she say?"

"Nothing, really. The same things I told you before. A few full sentences, that's about it. 'One of them saw me', she says that a lot. 'We have porridge for breakfast', 'tonight the moon is full', you know, just nonsense."

"Maybe it's a code."

"Maybe. And maybe she was insane while she was alive and kept her family up until all hours of the night spouting nonsense and finally they killed her and now she's haunting me."

"I still think there's something she wants you to do for her."

"Look, Gilhen, this isn't a movie, all right? I'm not the Chosen One who avenges the wrongs of others. Or helps them find peace or sends messages to their surviving relatives before sending them on to their rest."

"That could be exactly what you are." Gilhen told her. "You don't know!"

"I do know. I understand that you want to help but you've got to understand that I've been living with this for almost two years now. I know a little bit about it. Talking to them never helps. That makes them aggressive. Then they want to talk to you. Like this one --"

""There were two of them, a man and a woman."

"--and here she is now."

"Really?" Gilhen looked around as if he expected to see something. "Where?"

"Just past your shoulder. In the office door." Cassie nodded in the direction, but kept her eyes lowered.

Gilhen looked, then turned back around "I don't see anything."

"Of course you don't." Cassie glanced up. "But she's looking at you."

"What's she saying?" Gilhen's face looked very pale.

"Nothing, right now."

"One of them saw me."

Cassie repeated this.

"There were two of them, a man and a woman."

Cassie relayed this to Gilhen. "Nothing new, like I said."

"Have you ever tried talking to her?"

"What do you mean?" Cassie asked.

"Ask her what she wants."

"Hey! You there! What in the hell do you want?" The ghost turned to Cassie, looking stunned.

Gilhen was dividing his attention between Cassie's face, and the air she appeared to be talking to.

"What's she saying?"

"Nothing."

"I can't think that these visions are good."

Cassie frowned. Gilhen opened his mouth to ask something, but Cassie waved at him and his mouth closed again.

"Are they demons, sent to torment me? The doctor thinks they may be a result of me hitting my head. He thinks that I still am sick, and need rest."

"I think she thinks we're the visions, Gil."

"What's she saying?"

"That we're visions."

The ghost's eyes widened.

I think she realizes I'm listening. God help me, she'll never leave me alone after this.

"Go on," Cassie encouraged her. "Out with it."

"I long for release from this."

"WHAT?"

"I long for release from this."

"What's she saying?"

Cassie sighed. "She 'longs for release'," she said, reluctantly.

"You see? I told you!"

"But it's Sunday and I have to go to church."

"And now she's back to nonsense again."

"Will I see these visions in a House of God?"

"Not likely. We don't go to church."

"Ask her how she wants us to help!!"

"Us?" Cassie turned to Gilhen.

Gilhen waved his hands. "Ask her!"

"Okay. How are we supposed to release you? What do you need?"

"I will ask Father MacNamara to forgive me for my sins. Perhaps then I will stop seeing these things."

"Do you want us to take you to church? Is that what you want?"

"She wants to go to church?"

"She's gone."

"That...was really freaky."

***

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