Headache Politics
September 28th 2005
Sometimes I think that the actual headache isn’t the worst part of having a migraine. It’s all the minor decisions and crap that surround it, frankly. The headache can mostly be dealt with — lessened by painkillers, and slept off, which is what I usually do.
But then when you wake up in the evening and still have the edges of the bloody headache. What then?
Do I take more medication? The pain is bearable now, but still prevents me from thinking straight. Do I play through the pain, or take the painkiller again, sparing myself misery now, but building up my tolerance to the medicine so that it won’t work one day down the line, perhaps a day when I have a worse headache?
I’m hungry. Do I eat? Or will eating make me feel sick?
A bath might be nice. But do I use bubble bath? It will make the bath nicer, but will the artificial scent send my headache spinning out of control, or relax me?
Do I go back to bed? If I go back to bed, I won’t sleep well through the night. That might trigger another headache. But if I don’t go back to bed, I’m useless for the evening. I can’t write, can’t read, can’t do anything that involves any kind of focus for anything more than ten minutes at a time. I’d watch television just for something to do, but even that would mean following a plotline — plus my TV is currently under drop cloths in the living room. Saxophone is Right Out, both for the noise, the breath control, and the focus on playing correctly that it would require. Even prayer is a kind of mental focus I just can’t drum up right now.
Maybe I’ll just have a cup of chamomile tea and stare blissfully (and mindlessly) at the lovely newly painted walls, or go through paint chips, not with the intention of deciding any colour for any room, but just to look at soothing colours for a while.