Ceridwen’s Cauldron

I should have made business cards for the trip. Why did I not think of business cards before this?

Argh!

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So today is a day of tying up loose ends before heading off to the wonder that is Worldcon. I’m going to do some quick polishing on a couple of stories that I’ll be taking with me. I must be careful not to change too much, because I won’t have a chance to look at these again or make corrections while I’m away.

I’ve been looking at the schedule for the con. It seems I’ll be making some tough decisions about which authors I want to see, which seminars I want to go to, where to draw the line between work-related and fun-stuff. Which seminars will I enjoy? Which will I get the most from?

Which that seem work-related will be mostly useless to me? I already know not to write “My grandmother loved this story” in a cover letter, for example, but what other questions might arise in a how-to-submit-stories panel that will help me?

(I remember, for example, my faux-pas with the staples earlier in the summer. Woe unto me for breach of etiquette! No stapling of stories is allowed!)

Will they tell me what to write in a cover letter? What I would write that could make an editor toss the story aside without a second glance? And how often would an editor toss aside said story simply because of its cover letter?

I, you may have guessed, hate cover letters with surprising passion. I feel I’m no good at them. And that’s just one part of story submission. But will the information I get be useful to me?

And that’s just one seminar I’m ruminating about attending/not attending! My mind is spinning with possibilities for where to go and when.

In true Gamer Geek fashion, I should take my dice for decisions such as these. Which of 4 seminars to attend? Number them all and roll the D4! Let the fates decide!

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Observation: When cleaning a bedroom, things look infinitely better if only you make the bed. It’s easy, and it makes it look like you’re half-finished, even though you only just started.

Observation #2: Air conditioners cool clean rooms faster. At least, ours does. Bizarre.

Observation #3: Taking the posters down from the wall of an extremely cluttered office makes the walls look bare and the office look impossibly smaller and more cluttered.

Okay, I was just taking a quick break. Back to it!

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So my handy-dandy work newsreel informs me that Colin Powel is now saying the US might ask UN members for more help in Iraq.

Was it me, or were they the ones that went in without UN support in the first place? Deliberately? Without any evidence that they needed to? Then told UN weapons inspectors “No, really, it’s okay. We can handle it from here”?

I just wish I were more surprised.

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That’s it. I’ve had enough.

I hereby declare an end to mess in my house.

An end to saying “I’ll do it later”, and end to saying “It’s not so bad” or “I’m too tired right now”.

Goodbye clutter, so long dust bunnies! You shall not be missed! Farewell useless objects of dust-gathering! Au Revoir old clothes that don’t fit any more! Goodbye old furniture!

I’m cleaning up my act, I’m cleaning up my life, and I’m starting by cleaning up my living space.

My Husband is calling this “shock and awe”.

So mote it be.

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As I wrote that last post I realized something. Well, it’s been sort of at the edge of consciousness all day, but I think I’m ready to articulate it.

I’ve changed. Which means the world around me is changing. (Since I create my own reality.)

So I’m making “to do” lists in my head. What I have to have done and how quickly it needs to be done. I wanted to have one of my stories accepted at a magazine by the end of the year. That’s a lofty goal, and it requires a lot of elbow grease and writing if it’s going to be done. Housecleaning, mental and physical is still to come, another big project. Plus, finally putting up the website I’ve been avoiding since December of last year. Some creative writing projects that have nothing to do with publication.

I think I’m going to make myself some business cards. I want something a little offbeat for my tag line. “Evil Genius”, “Tough-Love Muse”, “Crazy in a good way”…Anyone out there have suggestions?

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So I’m back at work today, after a panicked phone call yesterday from one of my producers. “I just got back!” I told her. “I know,” she said, “and I hope I’m not calling you too soon. I have this date circled on my calendar!”

It’s nice to be wanted.

Anyway, things have changed a little bit around here. This morning I discovered the desk I usually used as a freelancer now belongs to a permanent employee, and I spent the morning trying to find a place to sit where I would have all of the appropriate passwords (telephone and computer) and that didn’t belong to anyone else. I felt a little bit left behind, like the place has moved on without me and I don’t belong here anymore. Same old Ceri, still not changing, while everyone goes on without here.

Perhaps, in a way, it’s true. In another way though (financially, in particular), I think I still need to be here. And it hasn’t really changed that much. It’s just that two months away in a completely different atmostphere have left me in a different place and I need to switch gears.

Still, my goals are shifting, so this morning I asked my producer to spare me a few moments to discuss Future Work. She obliged. I’ve asked if there’s any way for me to become a part-time employee, working a steady 2-3 days a week and having the rest of the time off to do my writing. Unfortunately, that’s not the kind of thing they normally do. Fortunately, because of a bunch of maternity leaves and sick leaves and various other things, they’re revising the schedule. My request is going in at the right time. We shall see what happens from here on in.

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Well, I’m back. Sitting at ye olde computer, in Ye Olde Homestead, looking at Ye Olde Mess that hasn’t really changed since I left. Except possibly that it’s dustier.

It’s time for the postmortem on my trip. What did I do? What did I learn? And, above all, Was It Worth It?

Oddly enough, many of the things I learned have nothing to do with writing. The first one is partly a vow, and partly an observation, but one that’s most on my mind right now. It’s something like this:

1. I am an inherently lazy person.
2. Because of (1) I am also a bad housekeeper. My house is no cleaner than it needs to be, and often is much less clean than it needs to be. I realized this when I walked back into it last night after 8 weeks of staying in neat, clean, uncluttered living spaces.
3. I will endeavour, from this day forward, to keep my house much, much cleaner.
I’m sure those of you who visit regularly will appreciate this.

More along the writing lines, I have learned that:

4. I do far less writing than I am capable of.
5. Writing is simultaneously easier and harder than it looks. When it’s going well, it’s the easiest damn thing in the world. Why didn’t I think of this earlier? When it’s going poorly it’s one of the hardest things to do. What am I doing? Can’t I be doing something far more worthwhile?
6. I think I do set unrealistic goals for myself, something I’ll have to work on in the future.
7. Sort of related to (6). I don’t work very hard to attain the goals I set for myself. (Possibly this is also related to (1)) Another thing to work on.
8. I am capable of writing good stories. I’m also capable of writing bad stories. Either way, sometimes the bad has to come out before the good can, so even if you hate an idea, write it down, get it out, and move along. There are other ideas out there.
9. A long walk is sometimes a great way to unblock. And sometimes it isn’t. What it does do is get you away from the computer and thinking about other things and ultimately relieves the frustration of writer’s block, which is an important step to unblocking.
10. It is hard to consider yourself “alone and writing” when you are not, in fact, alone and writing. But it’s possible, even with a crowd around you and distraction at every turn, to sit down and bang out a story.

More along the lines of How I want to Live My Life:

11. I have some very, very dear friends in Montreal, and when I move back to Halifax, I want them all to come with me. (We can build a commune. It’ll be fun.)
12. Some day I will live in a good-sized house with a good-sized lot on the Prospect Road, with two children and several cats and possibly even a dog. I will take long walks along the water when I want to, and the fog will not bother me, and you will never, ever get me away from it once I get there except possibly for brief vacations.
13. It is possible that I have made my peace with dogs enough to own one at some future date. Please note that I say “possible” and not “likely”.

And The People I Stayed With?

14. I have an incredibly generous and kind family. Not just parents and siblings, but aunts, uncles and cousins included in the mix. I knew this before. But one needs to be reminded.
15. This family, weird and wonderful as it is, thinks that I am particularly weird in my own special way. Despite this, they love me. (Sometimes, they even encourage me.)

Which brings me to the subject of spirituality:

16. I am a flaky witch. Flaky like good pastry is flaky. Which is to say pretty flaky. I denied it for a long time, but now I know it’s true.
17. I think (16) bothers me, but not enough for me to change.
18. Neither (16) nor (17) precludes me having a deep, meaningful spiritual life.

Okay. There’s more than that, but I think those will do for now.

So, in terms of the writing I got done, I didn’t finish half of what I expected. On the other hand, I enjoyed myself immensely and learned a lot about myself and the way I work. This was invaluable…er…research. So I think the trip was definitely worth it. I might even consider doing it again at some later date.

Now, though, it’s time for me to finish unpacking, get the house in order, and move along to the next step. The summer confirmed me as a writer — it was an initation of sorts. Now the real work begins. Now I work on becoming a paid writer, which is another thing entirely.

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I would like to apologize in advance for those of you exposed to my reacquired Maritime accent over the next couple of weeks. Please be patient with me and try not to laugh if I describe something as “some good”.

Apologies are probably also necessary for those who have been exposed to the more atrocious bits of my writing from this summer. (No, I’m not apoligizing for all of it. Some of it was good. I’m apologizing for the stuff that wasn’t).

I also hereby apologize to those of you who have been anxiously checking this blog looking for updates and haven’t found them. It’s been a very hectic week.

There’s a postmortem blog coming, about what I’ve learned over these past 8 weeks. Look for it on Tuesday sometime.

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I really hadn’t intended to pick up so much stuff while I was here. But having a van to travel back in means that it’s so much easier to buy stuff and say “Aaah, it’ll just go in the van.” So on the way back, not including the stuff I can slip into my suitcase (books, etc.) I have…

2 suitcases
1 box containing 2 cauldrons and tupperware
1 suitcase-sized bed-in-a-bag (hey, I needed one, and it was a good deal!)
1 print of Miranda by John Waterhouse (a Christmas gift that just requires transportation)
1 duffel bag and 1 backpack, both of which will probably be full

And I’m still going to Lunenburg this weekend to shop for souveniers.

I can already hear the snarky comments about how much I’m taking back.

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